Those Who Look In, Can Never Look Out
by MissCathy
Summary: Gil Grissom finished working a case. Not telling anyone its his long lost daughter. And new romance forms between him and Catherine. A Grillows Fic. Watch Grissoms personality SOAR for once!


It was early September. Grissom had just closed a case of a 12 year old getting rapped and beaten to death. He couldnt think of anything else but that little girl and the shock of her families face. He couldn't bare it.

"Gil, are you ok?" A familiar voice said in the distance.

"Hm? Oh yeah im fine, no im great. Yeah that's its great. Did you know you can tell a rape victim is lying or not by doing a simple clock test on the vagina?" He murmured remembering the coroner Doc Robbins telling him the clock test was a positive.

"Gil, thats basic training for all CSI's. Why are you thinking so hard about this girl?"Cath put her hand on his. Only for him to pull his away in fear of getting to close to her.

"I don't know why she is special. Probably because 12 year olds shouldn't have to worry if their going to be rapped while walking down the street. But, in that case why was a 12 year old walking down the street ALONE at 9 in the evening. Its just baffling. I don't know it just doesn't make any sense, Cath. I don't get this world anymore." He said holding back tears.

"Gil you never got this world," Cath said leaning in to hug him, "But, honestly I don't get it either. Its just everyday. Don't think to much into these things."

"Cath, stop hugging me im fine," He said wiping a quick tear away.

"Your not fine, Gil, You keep pulling away when we try to help. But, when you help us keep prying and prying. Why the hell do we have to keep up with you like this it isnt fair to us, Gil, it just ISNT! DO YOU HEAR ME!" Cath said getting up from her chair and started for the door.

"Sit down!" Gil said breaking into tears. "Just sit here, and pretend nothing happened and be my friend. I lack those you know. My work is all I have. And when my work turns on me like this I don't know what to do, Catherine, I don't. Please don't leave me here like this."

"Gil, when we get like this you tell us to see a psychologist. I'm going to tell you to do the same. Now sit down with one and talk about whats really eating you." Cath said letting go of his hand.

"No please, nothing is wrong. I knew the girl. There are you happy. I actually knew her. I didn't want you guys to know because, I don't know people, remember?" Gil said hitting his desk.

Cath quietly sat down waiting to hear the story, "Gil, how did you know this girl? She was from California."

"I used to work in California remember? I went back once to visit some old friends. About 12 years ago. And just three months ago I get a call from Marisa, the girls mother. They had a paternity test done on her because her husband accused her of cheating. I was the only other one she slept with. Yeah I slept with a woman, sue me. I was that little girls father. She was coming to see me. I wasn't there for her. Her whole life was turned upside down because of me. I ruined that little girls life."

"Gil, there was nothing you could do. She was miles from any one and any thing. You should have asked to have been taken off. Really you should have." Cath said grabbing his hand again.

The phone rang. They both jumped. Gil wiped away his tears and answered like a gentleman.

"Grissom..."

It was Ecklie he had heard them fighting earlier he wanted to see them both pronto. Cath looked horror struck. She could have killed him. He had nothing to do with anything. But, they both marched into his office five minutes later.

"I heard you from Gils office all the way to here. What the hell is going on you two?" Ecklie said in his big boy voice.

"We just had a misunderstanding that is all. Its perfectly ok."Catherine said throwing him evil stares.

"Then why is Gil's face all red. Have you been crying Mr. Gilbert?" Ecklie said in the nastiest voice.

"Shut up, Ecklie, I am sick of you. I have been crying yes. But, for reasons I wish not you know. So just shut up and get on with your pathetic life." Gil said turning towards the door.

"Fine I wont ask. Just don't yell like that In my building anymore. Do you hear me? Both of you!" Ecklie said as they both left in a huff.

Gil went into the locker room and grabbed his stuff. Cath followed directly. Gil made a quick turn around to see Cath standing right in front of him.

"You were the girls father?" Cath said quietly

"I tried to keep it a secret for these few months. But, I had to tell someone. Who other the the RP? Right?" Gil chuckled lightly. But, Cath knew Grissom would never make light of anything like this.

"Resident psychologist? Well good for you. But Gil, you should have given up the case. I had to when Eddie died. Its not fair for you," Catherine pulled out her change of cloths.

"I had to work it Catherine, I had to," Gil tried not to look as she unbuttoned her blouse. They only had one locker room. And they all figured Grave shift was close enough to handle it.

Cath pulled her shirt off only to be in her bra. Her skin look silky. Gil wanted to reach out and touch her. It was a secluded area no one would see as long as no one walked in. He couldnt tear his eyes away from her at all.

"Gil, what are you looking at. Do I have something on my pants or something?" Cath said pulling on a pull over tank top.

"Cath come here," he jerked her in. "I want to hold you. Thats what I want. You know how to comfort me. Let me hold you?" Gil said tears strolling down his cheek.

"I guess you can hold me," She said confused. Gil had never shown any want to be with her. She always felt some safety around him. But sometimes she felt total repulsion.

"You smell like an angle should," Gil said kissing her neck.

Cath pulled away scared to say anything to hurt him at the moment, "Gil you said hold me. Not kiss me. If you going to kiss me do it in a private place. And the right way. On my lips."

Gil couldn't bare to be rejected from her. He stared deeply into her eyes. Wishing he knew what was going on in that head of hers half the time. Suddenly, Warrick came into the locker room hollering about something or another.

"Hey you two what's up," he said unbuttoning his shirt. "Did I interuppt one of your fights again?"

"Oh, so Ecklie talked to you guys?" Gil said in his Grissom manner.

"No, we could hear you. And we heard you got called into his office again. You gonna tell us what's going on. You two have been at it a lot lately." Warrick said turning to his locker.

Just then Sara came in looking for Warrick. Her hair was disheveled and her make up smudged. It had been a long day at the office for her.

"Warrick you left something out in the lab. I had to put it back for you. Why don't you clean up your own messes? Oh hi you two. I had no clue the fight masters were in here. Ha. I made that one up?" Sara said smiling at Grissom as lightly as she could.

"Why do you guys say we fight all the time We only fight a little now and then. Like you ever fought with me Sara!" Cath said rubbing her neck nervously.

"Seriously did we interrupt something?" Warrick said pulling on a shirt.

"We were just discussing a case. That's all, what else would we be talking about. Ha, my personal life?" Grissom added as though to try and cover everything up.

Sara stared at them both long and hard, "Well, if it was personal we can leave. Im on my way to clock out. So Bye have a good day. And don't fight anymore? Okay?"

Sara ran out of the locker room as it had some kind of noxious gas in it. As for Warrick he just stood there mesmerized.

"I think I'm going to let you two be alone. Uh, keep me posted on this "case" will ya?" Warrick grabbed his personal stuff and had a mad dash out of that locker room.

"Gil, you cant hide from your friends," Cath said giving her, 'come on gil you know whats right', look at him.

"Their not my friends. Their simply co-workers who happen to know me a little better then most," Gil said grabbing into his locker for his wallet and sunglasses.

"Grissom! They are to your friends. Your acting WAY to childish right now. Let me take you out for breakfast and get some gosh darn food in you!" Cath said pulling on her jacket.

"Fine! Just never make me say their my friends! What the hell do they know about me anyway!" Gil said slamming the locker door. He turned just in time to see Ecklie entering the locker room, "DANG IT! We fought again Cath!"

"Could have told you that one. Lets go Mr. Grissom," Cath said pulling Grissom to the parking lot.

The air was damp and humid. It had rained last night. Gil looked down into the puddles wondering what bugs resided there this morning. But, he snapped back to reality as a new moment called. And another one ended.

The car ride was very tense. The usual chit chat about recent cases wasnt there. The smiling and shameless flirting was gone. He looked at Cath as she drove. She was so intense trying to ignore his eyes.

Finally she broke down and looked back at Gil, "I want you to know. What ever happens I am there for you. And so are they, no matter how much you bury yourself in your work. Their your friends. They know more about you then what you realize."

Gil let out a long sigh, "I know but, I just don't want to admit it right now. I can't. I want to. But, I just cant."

Cath grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently, "Why did you show me you could love me back?"

He squirmed in his seat, "Only because I know you love me back."

Cath rearranged herself as she was about to shoot down his remark, "I'm glad you finally came around cowboy."

She reached gently for his knee and let her hand sit there. She expected him to push her hand away. Instead he reached for it gently and held it between his two hands.

They didn't say another word until they reached their favorite diner. Cath turned off the engine and let out a long sigh as to say, 'let go of my hand buddy'. Gil followed her sigh instructions.

"Catherine Willows," Gil said staring into her eyes.

"Gilbert Grissom.." Cath said back confused.

"I love you. Don't let me go okay?" Gil said leaning over and kissing her lips gently.

Cath sat there in amazement. Gil just kissed someone. Not just anyone he kissed her! His lips were so soft and gentle. But, all this good happening just turned into some big conspiracy.

"Gil, if you want to really keep this going. You know we cant tell anyone at the lab?" She said quickly dodging another kiss.

"Yes, I know," He said trying to find her lips.

"That would make two secrets. And you don't have secrets now do you? So what one are you going to tell your FRIENDS about?" Cath said looking him straight in the eye so he would know she wasn't joking around.

"Well of course the one that wont make work life difficult. The child thing, im sure they are all old enough to know I had no clue it was mine?" Gil thought for a second. What if they did think hey knew. What if they accused him of killing that little girl. He couldn't tell them either one.

"Cath im sorry I cant tell them either one. Im really sorry," He said pulling her hand into his chest.

"Typically Grissom. Typical, typical. A hint of a personality and your GONE DONE! Sometimes I wonder why you try and hide who you are," Cath pulled her hand back and went inside.

-------------------------------end of part one, chapter one----------------------------

Part Two, Chapter One

Cath had ordered some eggs and waffles even before Gil had gotten into the Diner. And who to pull up just as he sat down. The crew.

He let out a sigh as he knew he couldn't apologize to Catherine and tell her his decision to tell them the truth about the case. Even though the killer coped to it all. The rumuours would still fly. He had to do it for his sake, and for Cath's sake.

"Hey you two, I thought you were fighting. Now your out for breakfast?" Nick sat down taking some jelly out of a package and eating straight.

"We were just discussing a case Ecklie gave to us before we left.

"Oh yeah, the case you were discussing in the locker room," Greg laughed so hard when he went to breath in he let out a big snort.

The whole CSI team was laughing by then. Even Grissom couldn't contain him self. Greg was the right person to have around in situations like these.

"Well guys, I have something I need to tell you. Its kind of personal and I think I can trust you enough to were you wont let it leak to far our. Will you?" Grissom said as the waitress walked up to take their orders, "I will have the eggs benedict with hash browns on the side and two pieces of toast, please," Grissom said handing her his menu.

"What to drink with that sir?" The waitress said annoyed. She had this bunch before and knew they took FOREVER to order.

Finally after all of them were done ordering Grissom thought it would be the perfect time to tell them. He gave out a sigh and they all turned to him knowing they were about to hear a long explination.

"Guys, I knew that little girl," it felt to him like a thousand pounds was lifted off his chest. The other thousand was trying to figure out how he was going to tell them about him and Cath without getting into trouble.

"Well, keep going," Cath said agitated.

"Uh, a few years back. I guess 12 really. I went back to California to visit some of my old colleagues. And things happened I was never going to tell any of you. Marisa Tate and I had a short fling while I was there. Well, three months ago her husband accused her of cheating earlier in their relationship and demanded to get a paternity test. Turns out he wasn't her father. Kassey was fatherless. The only other one she slept with 12 years ago, was me." Gil stopped and looked up from his cup and saw they weren't staring daggers. They looked concerned.

"Griss man you should have told us. You wouldn't have had to take that case man," Nick sounded really concerned.

"No I had to do this for her. The reason they were even here was to have Kassey meet her real father. The husband didn't want her living a lie. According to Marisa she was running away back to California. I couldn't bear to have her know her father was never there for her. So I took the case to be there and comfort her," At this point Gil was crying he couldn't handle this anymore.

"Gil, everything is ok. We are here for you. I guess you could say family?" Sara was stirring her coffee all too loud.

"Yeah man, don't even worry this wont get out," Warrick leaned over and rubbed Gils shoulder.

"Well, our food is about here. So lets dig in, by the way Gil, I'm sorry and im here anytime you need a pick me up," Greg said, he wasn't that great at absorbing others emotions. Even though Grissom was there for him, he didn't know what to say.

They ate their food in silence. Sara couldn't stop looking at Catherine giving glances of comfort to Grissom. She knew something more then Gil being a father was going on. She just didn't know what it was.

They finished their meal and left silently. Until they got into the parking lot that is.

Sara climbed into her car and rolled down the window and said to Gil, "If you want I can give you a lift home. Its closer for me then Cath and I know Cath would like to get home to Lindsey."

Knowing what Sara was trying to do Cath intervened, "That's fine I have to discuss more of this case with him, Sara, You just go one home and get some rest and we will bring you all up to par tomorrow."

"Fine," Sara rolled up her window started her car, and she was gone in 10 seconds flat.

"Well, we will see you tonight I guess. Have a good day guys," Greg yelled hopping in the back of Warricks SUV with Nick in the front. Both waving their goodbyes to Cath and Grissom.

Cath quickly got into her seat and put on her seat belt. Gil on the other hand kinda moseyed in slowly and slowly buckled his belt. And looked over into Caths bright eyes.

"Are you happy?" Gil said chuckling.

"Yes, Gil, I am happy," She leaned over and gave him a light kiss on his lips and started the engine.

The ride to Gils apartment seemed to take forever. They didnt seem to really want to talk about anything.

"What made you want to tell them?" Cath asked putting the SUV into park.

"Well, I was thinking what choice would put my career in a pickle. And I remembered yours was on the line too. I gave both choices a lot of thought though. And frankly they both were career threatening. But, yours was at steak to in one situation," Gil said unbuckling his seat belt. He leaned over and gave Cath a kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you, Gil. I will see you at work. Don't forget to find a case to inform the team on," Cath chuckled as she drove away.

Gil patently watched as she drove out of the lot. And he smiled to himself.

"Been awhil since I seen you smile like that," Marisa's voice quietly said behind him.

Gil turned to face the emotional mother. He didnt know how to face her like this.

"I remember the last time I saw you. That smile took up half your face. I swear it to this day," She laughed quietly to herself. "I cant believe you of all people would ever sleep with someone you used to work with."

Her face soo went from smiley to emotional mother. Gil put his hand in hers and took her inside.

He sat staring at her with his "Im soft sometimes" look.

"I.. Im truley sorry for your loss," Gil didnt know what else to really say.

"Jack, my husband, just handed me the divorce papers. He said I could keep the house in it," She rolled her eyes at this remark. " But, you are the only thing I can come back to," She said. Tears straming down her porcelain face as she smiled at him.

"Im sorry. I cant. Not now anyway," He didnt know how to say it to her. She was really the first one he ever loved.

"Whats her name?" She asked wiping her nose off.

"How.. How did you know?" HE said getting up from his chair. He walked into the kitchen.

"Women know these things, Gil. Sometimes I wonder if it is encoded into our DNA," She laughed at her own joke.

"Physically impossible. Actually its just impossible," He said this with a dead serious look on his face.

"Gil, it was just a joke," Marisa got very edgy at this comment.

"Her name is Catherine. She doesnt exactly know how strongly I feel about her," Gill filled a glass with some water as he said this.

"Catherine, the lady from the lab? But you don't date in the lab do you?" Marisa said in a very upset manner.

He would never go out with her back when he first started. This really seemed to baffle her.

"I know I promised myself never to get involved with co-workers. But, what if something terrible happened. I would regret it you know?" Grissom said this very defensivly.

He looked at Marisa. She was a short lady of about 5' 5". She had a rounder figure with long wavy brown locks. Her face was smeared with mascara and eyeliner from crying.

"What is she like, Gil? Tell me what shes like," Marisa said while fubling with her kleenex.

"Well, what do I start with first?" He put his fingers to his lips as he was thinking.

Next thing he knew Marisas lips were jammed onto his. He pushed her away.

"Now, what in the name of Buddah was that for?" He yelled as she fell back into her chair.

"Oh gosh I am so sorry. I really am. I just.. It just sorta came over me."

Gils face was beat red at this moment, "Maybe you should leave. Come back when you arent so.. emotional. IM sorry. I cant handle you right now!"

Grissom opened his door and motioned for her to leave. She got up from her chair and walked over to him. Looked at him deeply in the eyes. Those baby blue eyes she stared at for an hour that romantic night.

"Gil Grissom, I thought I knew who you were. Whats going on with you?" She walked out the door but looked back. "Remember I love you too. And I will always."

He pulled her back into the doorway and gave her a sweet peck on her cheek, "I cant right now. I love you as if you were a really good friend. But please, don't stop visiting me. I enjoy company. I never have any."

She walked down the hallway and out of his life. He didnt know when she would ever come back. But just then the phone rang. Why would his house phone ring. No one ever used it.

He looked down at the caller i.d. . Catherine Willows was calling.

He picked up the phone and said lightly, "Hello, my dear?"

----------------------End of part two------------------------

Part Three, Chapter One

"Now how in the SAMHILL did you know I was calling?" Cath laughed at herself after saying this.

"Um, I have a think called Caller I.D. So I know who's calling me." Gil kinda snickered that she thought he was this out of date.

"Well, I found a case we can report on. Just got a call right before I called you."

Gil could hear papers shuffling around as she climbed out of her over sized bed.

"It's a cold-case. Gil I have to remind you probably. Remember that one case you worked with the rubber hand and the guy used the latex fake hand to put a print on there, to make it look like a suicide?" She said slowly so he could absorb it.

"YES! It was with Holly Gribbs. I remember that. I we couldn't trace it because the man used a latex hand that had some guys finger print on it. I remember that its one of very few cases I couldn't close due to lack of evidence," He grimaced as he remembered the details in his mind.

A man was found in a bath tub with nothing on and it had appeared he committed suicide. They couldn't rule it a suicide because the mans voice on the suicide tape wasn't the victims according to the vic's mother. So they found as many clues as they could. Only one they had found was a single finger print on the tape recorder used. They ran the print and came up with a suspect. But, they we suddenly stopped in their tracks because he made latex Halloween molds and one was a fake had. He used his own had so the prints were in a thousand different places. The man who murdered this poor man left alone in the hotel bath tub was gone.

"Grissom are you with me?" Cath yelled into the phone.

"Oh, yeah, yeah I'm still here keep going. I was just trying to remember the details of the case.

"Well, the same finger print with the spraying PAM on it was found at a new scene a few months ago. Day shift worked the case and never informed us. They had stray hairs they found. And never analyzed them because they read our case file with the same description and saw it was cold. So I figured we could do a sear on the DNA see if its in the system and work with the hairs. They even did a new interveiw with the old vic's brother. So we ought to use that as our cover up. Solve a cold case when we have no hott ones," Cath sneezed after saying all this.

"Wow, good job, in such sort notice to. Whoa are you coming down with a cold hun?" Gil asked urgently.

"No just a sneeze I think im alergic to our cat. Lindsey got one from my mom today. Oh how I hate my mother sometimes," Cath chuckled knowing Lindsey said the same thing all the time.

"When can I come over?" Gil felt his heart beat fast in his body.

"Wow, Mr. Move-along aren't we. I think we should take this one step at a time before we start getting ideas of sleep overs," Cath knew what rushing things were like. Gil wasn't the kind of person she wanted to rush into things with. Not only because of who he was. But, because she really loved him too.

"Sorry, sorry. Got ahead of myself there. So, how bout I pick you up at 6:30 that gives us an hour and a half to eat and then get to work on time."

"Ooo, a dinner date. Shall I dress up?" Cath said eagerly.

"No lets just dress for work and head to work right after we are done," Gil hopped she wouldnt refuse he knew that she loved to get dolled up for everything.

"Ok, I will be ready at 6:30. And Lindsey is staying at a friends house tonight so I don't have to call the babysitter," Cath let out a sigh as she remembered that little fact.

"See you soon, Cath," Gil hung up the phone.

He had never really asked her out to a dinner date that wasn't strictly work oriented. He had no clue what to do with himself.

So he brushed his hair. Brushed his teeth. Picked out an outfit to wear that looked professional for work yet laid back for dinner. And primped his beard. He glanced at his watch 1:45 in the afternoon.

"What am I supposed to do now?" He said fumbling with his cell phone.

He jumped as it rang in his hands. He looked down to see who was calling him. It was Warrick Brown. Why would Warrick be calling him at 2 in the afternoon.

"Warrick what do you need?" Gil said into the phone.

"You, Im parked in front a casino and I have money burning a hole in my pocket. Gil you have to come right away. Please Gil help me," Warrick had a cry of insanity in his voice.

"Ok tell me were you are and I will be right over," Gil said knowing he had to help him.

Warrick told him were he was and Gil got into his SUV and sped right over. It took him probably 15 mins to get there and Warrick was just getting out of his vehicle.

"Brown, get over here," Gil yelled from the window pulling into a parking spot.

Warrick turned his head and smiled with tears coming down his face at the sight of Grissom, "Griss, I thought you weren't coming man I got worried."

"Warrick get into the car," Gil motioned for the passanger seat.

Warrick climbed in and let out a big laugh.

"What you think this is funny, you getting into trouble like this again?" Gil said with his "WTF" look.

"I thought you wouldn't come. It was a test Grissom. To see if you really think of me as your friend. I knew if you didn't speed over here you weren't a real great guy. But, you got here as fast as those wheels could take you. Dude, they say you have no heart, whatever," Warrick got out of the car and walked away.

Gil sat there hurt and confused. Who had said he had no heart. Why would Warrick do something like this to him. He had no one who loved him. And it was all his fault. He thought coming to Las Vegas would help him grow into the CSI he wanted to become. And he just turned into the ones he didnt want to be. The emotional one.


End file.
